Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
