you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
