Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
