I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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