this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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