absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
