Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
