she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
