I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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