Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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