Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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