Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My life is pants optional.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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