so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I am available for nakedness
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
