first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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