Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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