I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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