i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
