i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
