You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize