I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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