i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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