so explain again why im purple
no
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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