3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
