i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
