yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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