At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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