My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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