You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
