No stitches, just platelets and will power
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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