i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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