I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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