Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
