she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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