I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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