We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
