Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
