I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
