Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
