I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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