20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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