Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize