did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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