I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
