Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
