Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
