Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
