while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
