I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
