you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
