Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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