She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
