why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
40s are totally the cure
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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