my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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