so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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