can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
