I smell stomach acid.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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