Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
