We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
