This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
