I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Two words: blizzard sex
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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