In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
