Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
