i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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