she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
