All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
